The talking stage

The talking stage is the early period when two people are in frequent contact and working out whether to date, before either has committed to anything. It is a phase rather than a state, and it has a direction: it turns into dating, settles into an undefined situationship, or stops.

In brief: this section describes what the talking stage looks like, what moves it forward, and what it looks like when it has stopped moving. There is no correct number of weeks and no page here invents one.

How long should the talking stage last?

Nobody has measured it. The figures that circulate — two to eight weeks, one to three months — come from dating-brand surveys of their own users, which is marketing rather than measurement, so this site publishes none of them. The question that does have an answer is whether anything has changed since it started.

What is measured is what happens at the end of an early connection. 40% of single US adults on the dating market say that after a first date they did not want to repeat, they would contact the person and say so (Pew Research Center, 2020). Another 52% say they would not make contact but would answer if contacted (Pew Research Center, 2020). Those are stated intentions about one date, not a timetable for a talking stage — but they do show that the quiet exit is the common one.

What is the difference between the talking stage and a situationship?

Direction. A situationship is a connection that continues without a definition and without an expectation that one is coming; the talking stage is undefined on the way to being defined. The practical test is not how it feels but whether it has moved: new plans, met friends, a named status. Consider two connections of the same length, one where the second month looks different from the first and one where it does not — only the second has stopped being a talking stage.

Talking stage and situationship, side by side

Talking stage and situationship, side by side

	Talking stage	Situationship
Definition	Not yet, and that is the point	Not at all, indefinitely
Expected to change	Yes	No
Usual question	Is this going somewhere?	Is this ever going to be named?
How it usually ends	Becomes dating, or stops	Continues, or is ended deliberately

Where does ghosting fit in?

Often, unfortunately. Ghosting means ending all contact without explanation, and 29% of US adults say it has happened to them (Pew Research Center, 2020), rising to 42% among adults aged 18 to 29 (Pew Research Center, 2020). The talking stage is where it is most common, because nothing has been agreed out loud and so nothing feels, to the person leaving, like it needs formally ending. The pages below cover reading that silence, such as the difference between a slow week and a stopped conversation.